Goodbye Locks

About a month and a half ago I started noticing my hair was falling out in larger amounts than normal.  I began finding it everywhere.  All over my pillows, blankets, clothes.  When I would brush my hair I would lose a lot more than normal.  At the beginning I didn't fret because I've always been blessed with thick hair and I could afford to lose some locks.

The same thing happened in high school when I got really sick for the first time.  Like a sicko I actually saved all the hair that would fall out everyday.  Only recently did I throw the plastic zip lock bag away containing my precious brown hair.  I had no idea at the time it would be happening again soon.

In high school, when it grew back it came in fuller and thicker.  But it took years for me to get it back to a healthy state.  My friend Anne gave me the nickname "Sonic" because I would have little sprouts that stuck up in the middle of my head like Sonic the hedgehog.  We might need to reinstitute that name in several months.

Back then I don't remember being extremely upset, partly because I was still a tomboy at 17 and didn't know how to style my hair anyway.  But through the years as it grew back I came to love my long, thick, wavy hair and the reaction I got from people.  Once I actually learned how to use a blow dryer and straightener, my hair became "my thing".  

This time around my hair was in horrible condition to begin with.  I guess slowly since last December my hair hair has succummed to my malnourishment, becoming extremely dry and impossible to style.  It tangles SO easily into ridiculous knots.  I'm not talking about little knots that need a little love, I'm talking a matted looking knot almost the size of a baseball.  I kid you not.

One day after washing my hair I did my usual towel dry and HELLO! somehow my hair had gotten into this ridiculous knot.  My sister and mom can back me up on this one.  They each spent at least 2 hours trying to get this thing untangled.  Once I realized it was impossible I knew it had to be cut out.

So my mom cut it out and I really don't think I understood how close to my head it was.  The rest of my hair had to be cut fairly short so I don't look totally crazy.  After I contemplated getting the Kate Gosselin backwards mullet, I settled on a shorter 'do to match the crazy short parts from the knot. It will be much easier to manage now I hope.  But still, I miss my hair!

Don't get me wrong, it's not like you see bald spots on my head when you look at me.  But wow! I would safely say I've lost at least 50% of my hair.  Or at least it appears that way visually. Everyones telling me, "It's not that bad." and "It'll grow back so much healthier!"  My balding brother rightfully complained, "At least you have hair that will grow back."

That's all for now.  My creativity will return soon.  Pain meds make it hard to be thoughtful.  Till next time...



I just wanna say thank you to everyone who has expressed their concern, well wishes, and prayers for me in the past couple of months and especially this week.  I've come so far since a week ago when I couldn't eat and my legs looked like twigs that were about to snap.  I'm eating well again and my body is getting stronger by the day.  I'm still having my normal Crohn's problems but as far as the weakness and pain I felt from sugery, it's improved drastically.

I just took my Methotrexate injection and I'm holding on to every last ounce of hope.  It's week Six I believe so I have another month before the doctors give up all hope that it will work. Cross your fingers for me.

Again, just thank you thank you thank you to everyone who called, texted, or sent me cards.  I know I don't always do the best with keeping in touch but sometimes in the hard times I don't wanna talk to anyone.  But that doesn't mean those thoughts have gone unnoticed.


Just because

Feeling better as far as my pain levels and my appetite has returned. Here's a couple pictures from my hospital stay.  Very flattering, I know.  I don't always look stunning in the gown.

The thing to the left in the above picture is called a PCA and was also my best friend.  Attached to it is a button I could press four times an hour to administer my morphine to myself.  It was some good stuff.  Although I didn't feel like I was getting enough, it definitely made things more comfortable for me.  By the time my pain was the most intense, I was literally staring at the clock counting down till the next time I could press.  

I love this pic :)  Me and my beautiful best friend and sister, Nora.
Her and my brother in law, Ryan, came and saw me a couple of times with beautiful flowers and iced tea once I was able to eat.  Now the first time I ever got morphine I was in the hospital in Maryland and the nurse gave me a specific warning that I was to be the ONLY person to press my PCA button.  For some reason I took this warning seriously to the disappointment of my visitors.  I mean, who wouldn't want to press a button that gives someone morphine?  So this time around I made sure to let both Ryan and Nora and everyone else for that matter press it.  People seem to enjoy the concept and when you are messed up on narcotics it becomes enjoyable for you, too.  Anyways, I love these two but especially my sister because she had to help me bathe and clean up some nasty shit when I could barely move.  I have no idea if this picture was staged because on this particular day I was out of it.  For some reason I complained the pain meds weren't working but they managed to knock me out for 13 hours at a time...hmm...Maybe I have a problem!  Anyway, did I mention how much I love my sister?  


It can't rain forever

A lot has happened in the past week which is partly why I haven't updated.  Do you remember the MRI I got about a month ago to see if I had an abcess?  Well, although I didn't have one at the time, I'd say a week later I started seeing symptoms of one and it wasn't pretty.

On Monday (the 4th) I called my doctor because my condition had deteriorated drastically in one week.  It started with unbearable pain in my behind.  I couldn't lay on my butt, sit, cough, or walk without pain.  I was developing an abcess and as each day went by the swelling and pain got worse accompanied by alarming fevers, indicating my body was fighting an infection somewhere.

Now forgive me for the rest of the details as I am on pain meds and still in quite a bit of discomfort.

So the day after I called my doctor he called back and told me I needed to be admitted to the hospital right away.  I knew this was going to be the case and quite frankly I wasn't comfortable being at home anymore with how dehydrated and sick I felt.  I settled in at the hospital on Tuesday night and by Wednesday the surgeon came by to confirm that I indeed had an abcess.  

Everything happened very fast after this.  I received a blood trasfusion right away in preparation for surgery because my blood counts were horrible.  I went in for surgery around 1:30 p.m. and everything went smoothly.  They drained a lot of fluid from my abcess and left three drains as well as this rubber band type thingy that will remain draining fluid for the next couple weeks.

The day after surgery they came by to remove three of the drains.  After giving me some extra morphine they pulled the drains out.  Ohh myyy goddd.  It hurt.  Imagine if someone was pulling a thorny rose stem out of a pinhole.  That's what it felt like.  After receiving so many narcotics in one day, I literally slept for 12 hours, unable to even open my eyes in the moments where I attempted to talk to my mom.

I won't lie.  The next couple of days were uncomfortable and painful.  Keep in mind I'm still dealing with my actual bowel problems and how frequently I go to the bathroom.  On top of that I have to keep my wound clean and change the dressings quite often.  I was very bloated from all the fluids they gave me so I needed to pee constantly.  It was difficult getting in and out of bed that often while in so much pain.  

I was discharged on Saturday even though my doctor is worried about the state of my nutrition. I have dropped a considerable amount of weight in the past month and find I have no appetite. I have lost so much muscle in my legs that they literally shake when I'm standing for more than a couple of minutes.

The next couple of weeks will be a challenge in trying to get up and around more often.  In two weeks I will get the band removed from my behind and they will replace it with something else that will allow fluid to drain so that this problem does not come back.  I'm hoping my appetite will return and I can get some strength back.

This is kind of random and all over the place but I just wanted to update everyone on what is going on.  Back to sleep for me.