One Year

It's been an eventful year for me and quite a while since I have written here.  Recently I reclaimed this domain for a variety of reasons; the most important being that I just wanted everything I have written in the past to be accessible again.  Who knows what kind of information or support someone else may ascertain from my words in the past.  I’ve also just desired something that would force me to write again.  So here I am.

My life right now is healthy in regards to my Crohn’s disease.  In the last year, I moved in with my boyfriend.  At this very time last year, I started an internship at the Free Library of Philadelphia while also working full-time.  In May, I completed my Master’s Degree.  In August, I turned 30, left one job and started a new job, all within the course of one week.  Needless to say, it’s been a year full of change and newness.

In the midst of the chaos, I began to see a psychologist again and a psychiatrist at the recommendation of my primary care physician.  I needed the psychologist simply because I was overwhelmed.  I was graduating with a degree in a field that I was passionate about, but one that I had to accept I would likely not find a job in.  I was desperate to get out of the restaurant industry but I didn’t want to jump at the first thing that came along.  Of course, that’s exactly what I ended up doing.  And you know what?  It worked out for the best.  After working in restaurants throughout college and graduate school, there is nothing better than working for a great company.  I’ve been at my current job for six months now.  I never understood how much of a toll restaurant work had taken on me until I got out.  It’s something you can only understand if you have waited tables.  I now have free health insurance, benefits, structure, a relaxed work environment, a consistent paycheck, holidays off, an occasional happy hour, and a place where I fit in.  You don’t get most of those things when you work for tips.  Granted I absolutely loved every person I worked with, I needed the change.

Ok, back to my point.  After seeing a psychiatrist, some of my mental health medicines were tweaked, and now my sleeping problems have improved drastically.  That has been a relief.  I also think that moving in with my boyfriend helped that out too because I was living alone before.  Additionally, in the opinion of my psychiatrist, I exhibit many symptoms of ADHD, so I am also being treated for that.  It was something I always suspected about myself.  Rather than explain a million things from my childhood and school, I would encourage you to read this article about Lisa Ling. When I read her account of being diagnosed with ADHD, so many of her words reverberated with me.  In the words of my psychiatrist, “I have no idea how you managed to get through graduate school.”  Ummm, ok?  Thanks?  I guess.  Learning this diagnosis days before starting my new job had me panicked.  Would I be able to go from the fast-paced restaurant environment to sitting at a desk 40 hours a day?  With therapy and medicine I have managed well, so far.

The biggest part of this year was definitely moving in with my boyfriend.  Shockingly, the transition was smooth for the both of us.  I think the fact that we are both extremely independent helps.  So does the fact that my boyfriend truly, genuinely, loves to clean.  If I trusted him enough not to shrink my favorite sweater or put the wrong pair of jeans in the dryer, he would happily do my laundry, too (and use fabric softener).  Admittedly, the hardest part of moving in with him initially was my ostomy.  It sucks sometimes.  Having a leak at 4 AM in bed sucks.  The insecurity I feel in those moments suck.  The fact that my boyfriend has to wash the sheets for us while I can change my appliance sucks.  But you know what?  He's the first to come over and plant a kiss on my cheek or do something so ridiculously funny that I cannot help but smile.

In short, that's kind of what's going on now.  New job, good health, stability, and a lot of love.