I'm really not feeling well. Yesterday seemed to be an okay day. I was optimistic, even. But today was miserable. I had a hard time being out attempting to run errands for Christmas. It's frustrating just sitting around, waiting. I feel like I'm wasting time, and for what? This is all too familiar to me. I hate this waiting game. I'm always waiting for something; procedures to be done, test results, medications to start working...
I try not eating, but I grow weak and I genuinely enjoy cooking to get my mind off things. Not eating allows me the freedom to get a few hours out and about. But then I don't have the energy to actually accomplish what I need to do. I eat, and then when I'm in and out of the bathroom, curled over in pain, or nauseated, I curse food. It's impossible to find the in between. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.
For now, I'll enjoy the next few days with family and friends.
P.S. How great is the Festivus episode of Seinfeld?