Tomorrow (or today) I will find out my surgery date.
I will head into this surgery healthier than I have ever been before such a procedure. I'm heading it to it with knowledge of completely what to expect. So why is it harder?
It's harder because it's not black and white. It's not that I'm doing this surgery because I absolutely have to, like every other surgery I have ever had. I am doing it to improve my quality of life. To endure physical, emotional, and financial hardship for the next month because I know this small suffering will benefit me indefinitely.
It's harder this time because I have a life. I have my own apartment, a great job, a fulfilling graduate school program, and supportive people in my life. That's pretty much everything I have ever verbalized here. It's harder because there's more to lose when you're heading into a surgery as a person who has a life waiting on the other side. I never had that before. Before, no matter what happened after surgery, I only had to answer to myself and my family.
I shouldn't complain, nor fret. It's just a month. It's not my life. I will emerge on the other side even better than I am now. It's nothing in comparison to the past. It's just a reminder to be grateful for my health and the fact that I have the most supportive friends and family I could ever need.
Be grateful for your health. Please. I am. Every damn day.