Updates on my exciting life, three weeks later.

I didn't think it was possible for there to be more reflection on my life post-surgery than there was before. Before, I was trying to justify this surgery to myself, family, and friends. I talked about all the ways my life would be improved. I read blogs, message boards, and then re-read them all. I thought about my life these past two years. I knew my life would become better. But at the time I was so terribly wrapped up in my illness that I couldn't actually allow myself to mentally go there.

And now, I am beginning to imagine how life is going to be. I am finishing my graduate school applications. I am not worried about the future. I am just excited. I am very close with my family and I've had a lot of discussions with them about how it feels to finally have this disease removed from my body after eight years. And I just tell them it feels great. The most descriptive I can get is that I am completely free of stress. Before this, my life was a ball of anxiety. Now I go to bed every night knowing I will wake up in clean, dry sheets. I can spend a whole day in the same sweatpants. The other day I went ten hours without going to the bathroom. The simple things in life are pretty damn amazing.

On Thursday, I went back to Maryland for my post-op. The night before my drain had broken free from my stitches and came out on its own so I didn't need that removed. I had my stitches removed from my bum (yes, they stitch your butt closed) and everything is progressing wonderfully. Before my appointment one of the nurses, whom I have known since 2004 came in the room to see me and ask how everything was. She was telling me about another woman my age who just had surgery and it was "the best decision she ever made". I never imagined that I could be one of those people who saw an ostomy in the same way...

Life is so wonderful I find myself thinking and crying tiny tears of joy. Yes. ME. Ellen. Crying. I think I also cry because I can finally give myself a pat on the back for being so strong. I guess I'm pretty brave, huh?

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