Every once in a while I feel inspired. It's been a while but I'm sure you can relate to days where you feel invincible, like you can do anything. Lately I've been feeling like that every day. It's amazing that merely not laying in your bed all day every day can do such things. For me my victories lately have included the simple act of walking my skinny ass downstairs, getting a drink for myself, and watching TV on the couch rather then from my bed. I no longer have to call my mom's cell phone from upstairs and ask her to bring me water. I can do it myself and even though my legs are weak and I can't stand up entirely straight, I'm back to helping myself. These small things may seem trivial but they give me hope because I honestly thought I would never get out of the hole I was in.
Independence for me is extremely important. It's not my personality to sit inside all day or rely on someone else to take care of me. I drove my car the other day for the first time since APRIL! I will admit I seriously forgot that you had to push down the clutch to start my car. I had to think consciously about what I needed to do to shift from neutral to first gear. But quickly I got back into the grove and I was cruisin along Tookany Creek Parkway with my windows down, AC blasting, & my music way too loud. It was just like old times. It is amazing how fast you can get back to that place even when you've been laying in a bed for months.
The other day I was finally able to leave my house without wearing a trusty protective undergarment. Now that my large bowel is completely out of commission, it's finally settled down from surgery and there's nothing left in there to cause me control problems. Again, such a simple change but my goodness, I was able to wear JEANS today. No baggy sweatpants or shorts to cover the fact that I need to wear a diaper like an old person. So excitedly today I found my "skinny jeans" and rocked those bitches even though they were still baggy. On a side note, I've gained about 7 lbs now. I was down to 98 at one point after the hospital.
In all honesty, I've been adjusting to the ileostomy better than I imagined. I've read and talked to people who have said the worst part is the first 2 months because you are still learning your body and how to care for the ostomy. Maybe I'm just ahead of the curve because I had a colostomy previously. I'm sure it will be harder once I venture out into the real world more and more but I think I'm ready because nothing could be as worse as laying in a bed in pain.
Stay tuned for more stories and adventures...
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