So here's the wonderful story of my visit to the surgeon on Monday...
I'm in the waiting room and this poor guy next to me was there with his donut. Now when I say donut do not think Dunkin Donuts. For people with any kind of butt issues, a donut can be your best friend. It's this rubber-like tube thing you use to sit down when you have an abcess or some kind of rectal pain. It's meant to ease the pressure so you can sit with some normalcy. He must have been a seasoned veteran of rectal problems because his donut was patched up in various spots with duct tape. Just imagine...this guys ass hurt so much that he carried this donut through the hospital and into the waiting room. But that would have been me a month ago with my pretty red donut. Yes, abcesses are a bitch.
So in the exam room some clueless nurse practitioner came in to talk to me without any knowledge of my surgery. She had to leave the room at one point to "look up my file on the computer". Isn't that something you should do before you talk to a patient? Anyway, she did her little exam and listened to my heart. She was quite concerned about how fast my heart rate was because that is an indication of dehydration. I love when they ask, "Are you drinking enough and eating?" Ummm HELLO. I have Crohn's disease and you are aware I'm in the middle of a flare up. I understand they have to ask...but really?
Now I had myself all worked up about getting the drains out. For those of you who don't remember, I had three drains removed in the hospital after surgery and it was SO darn painful I thought this was going to be the same way. After turning and laying on my left side (eek), the doc did what he needed to do to get access to the area. Haha, ok, my butt. The best part? He stuffs gause in my behind and then leaves the room for ten minutes. So I'm laying there...ass exposed...with gause up there like stuffing in a turkey cavity. Thank God my mom was there to provide some comic relief. After he came back he cut the bands of the penrose drains and removed them. Thankfully, it didn't hurt at all because my tolerance for pain at this point is shot.
Just when I thought I was free to go, the surgeon tells me that he called my doctor (who is in Chicago at the moment, mind you) while he was out of the room because he was concerned about my appearance and weight loss. They wanted to hospitalize me a few days with IV antibiotics and some fluids to improve things a little bit. After a few tears I told the surgeon I would be more comfortable at home. I really didn't feel like hospital food and inconsiderate loud people outside my door at 3 am were really going to help me get better. So I was sent on my way with oral antibiotics and well wishes to "hang in there kid".
So two hours later, a couple of presciptions, a few tears, and two less drains in my butt...we were on our way home! I actually sat in the car like a somewhat normal person but eventually reclined the seat to combat both my mom's crazy driving and my sleepiness.
My goal is to be able to drive my car by Sunday. I haven't driven her in over a month! I can finally sit flat on my butt so it's only a matter of feeling well enough to get behind the wheel. I've been laying down so much it's been hard to sit up straight and believe it or not, it actually takes energy to keep yourself upright.
Till next time...
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