I am always intrigued to see the various search terms people use to find my blog. It makes me feel good to know that my intent is coming through as randoms search the web and stumble upon my writing. Sometimes the phrases people search are sad because I can imagine exactly what the person on the other end is feeling. I have been there. I have combed the web in times of desperation to research a drug or to find someone else who, at some point, felt what I was feeling and chose to put it out there for others to read.
That's just something random I was thinking about today.
Otherwise, life has been good (surprise!). I had a few days last week where I physically felt run down to the point where I laid in bed for a few days and felt worry that I might be depressed or getting sick (in a non-Crohn's context) but this week I have felt back to normal with the exception of realizing that I am getting old.
Now, I don't mean "old" in the sense that I feel the crunch of my age creeping to my late twenties. But I just can't hang like I used to. What happened to the days of staying out way too late and drinking wine without hangovers? I want those days back! I might sound like an idiot for complaining about this but I now have to plan my social life around work and school, keeping in mind that I no longer have the ability to be productive unless I get a good night of (sober) sleep.
I guess it all just reinforces how lucky and happy and blessed I feel right now. Youth is incredibly fleeting and it is to be spent living in a manner in which one day you can feel you have little regret about the past. I can't imagine if I had spent any more time living the way I was just because I was scared about what my life would entail post-surgery. I don't know why I have been wired this way--to be able to adapt and remain resilient--but I feel fortunate that I am and that thought is never far from my mind.
Otherwise, as you know from what I have been writing, the past couple of months have supplied me with endless experiences of reflection and learning. I am adapting well to the changes in my life; my body, school, work, boys---all while knowing that each pang of stress and worry is only moving me closer to my goals. I can't say it enough but I just feel damn good right now. Hope you all do, too.