1.13.2009

Sick and tired...

If I was in any sort of denial before about how sick I was, the past couple of days have certainly been a reality check.  I'm weak, nauseated, tired, and aching.  I feel like things have gone from bad to worse in a short period of time.  But then again, denial can do that to you.

It's been a downward slope since September of last year and it's all catching up to me now.  Every action is hard.  My whole body aches.  I'm taking two hour baths, not because I enjoy them so much (which I do), but because I spend about half that time mentally preparing myself for the daunting task of getting out, brushing my hair, and putting on clothes.  Sometimes I fall asleep on my bed before I accomplish any of them. 

My appetite is no where to be found.  But I'm forcing myself to eat because I know that not eating is the fast route to the hospital.  Once you start rapidly dropping weight, the hospital isn't far away.  I'm trying to drink a lot of high caloric drinks.  I'm drinking Ensure, Carnation Instant Breakfast, and Gatorade to replenish my electrolytes.  

I wake up at least 10 times during my five hours of "sleep".  It's usually my stomach kicking me out of bed telling me to get to the bathroom.  Sure enough, as I stand up and make my way to the loo, I'm scaling the hallway walls with my hands to guide me because it's impossible to stand up without getting lightheaded.

All I have to say is thank God for my mom and sister.  I've been like a freaking baby the past couple of days and they have done a wonderful job taking care of me.  For now I'm trying to stay positive.  Hopefully I'll have a Humira update soon.

2 comments:

Loo Loo said...

Ellen,

I love you and I miss you! What you are doing for Chron's is an amazing thing because there are so many people out there that just have no idea. I had no idea about your blog until Nancy told me about it the other day. Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do. And, you NEED to start feeling better so you and Anne can come spend the weekend...

talk to you soon.

Ashley said...

well first off, I hope you feel better soon.
Second, its like dejavu when I read your blog. When I got really sick I dropped alot of weight and thats what kept putting me in the hospital. The bathroom was never close enough unless I was sitting on it already, and Gatorade and Ensure became my best friends. Are you anemic? I have been severly anemic since I was diagnosed, I know its normal, I was just wondering. I actually had to get a blood transfusion a couple weeks ago. Well anyway, I feel like we share alot of the same expieriences, I am in remission now, and let me tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise.